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The Woman I Become

Who do I have to become to be a woman who solo backpacks the Colorado Trail?

The woman I have to become is one that is cautious and thoughtful but not fearful. Brave and determined yet flexible. I will have to be someone who makes a meticulous plan, but also understands and accepts that some circumstances are out of my control. I am becoming someone who hikes when I would rather sleep in, someone who fuels my body based on needs rather than wants. I am practicing being a woman who is comfortable being uncomfortable. I keep choosing to do something hard because I want to see what I’m made of.

I catch myself believing that I’m not good at using tech devices. When I believe that, I feel frustrated. I give up, I avoid learning, I complain about how hard technology is. I create the result of not being good at using tech.

I am learning how to be a woman who knows how to use a Garmin and a GoPro. I can watch a tutorial for one feature at a time.

I am a woman who trains her body and mind. I started physical therapy to get my body in the best condition it can be. I lift weights twice a week. I self coach and I have a coach.

I have to become a woman who takes a risk, contradicts social standards, who leaves her job, her home, her routine, to pursue her dream.

Sometimes my brain offers me the thought “why are you making such a big deal out of this? People take trips like this all the time. It’s not even a big thru hike like the Appalachian or PCT. It’s a baby thru hike."

Other times it offers me “Are you crazy? You’re not a ‘real’ backpacker. What makes you think you can take something like this on?”

Another frequent flyer is “How entitled are you for taking off for 5 weeks to play around in the woods?”

Those thought errors aren’t true and they definitely aren’t supporting my goal.

Beliefs I’m practicing that support my goal are:

-I am a badass

-It’s my responsibility and privilege to create a life I’m excited about living

-I deserve to enjoy this adventure

-This trip is a gift for myself from myself for getting through some really hard shit.

-I am perfect for this

I am becoming a woman who allows herself to feel scared, excited, cold, hot, thirsty, tired, strong, elated, frustrated and determined and doesn’t let any of it stand in her way. I am becoming a woman who gives herself the gift of adventure.

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